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Monday, May 3, 2010

Sexy Hot

Got your attention didn't I???

I wrote this and had Babe read it...he didn't like to be referred to as Babe, said it reminded him of the pig.  So, now he's EL, he wanted to be "L" but I think "el" is funnier:) Onto the good stuff.....

Okay so I don't pride myself in being a pastor's wife.  I try NOT to tell peeps that about me.  However, we've tried to be a different couple when it comes to being a pastor & wife.  (which only makes sense because our church is a different church).  I was told one time that as a pastor's wife, I would not be able to have friends, I would be alone, I couldn't be vulnerable with the people of our church.  That statement has haunted me because I so didn't want it to be true.  I know nothing else to be but myself.  El & I have had lots of conversations about expectations and roles when it comes to being pastor and wife.  Not "those" kind of roles people...more like boundaries for ourselves and our family.  We've tried to be really true to who we are.  We are us, imperfect, crazy, moody (more so me), etc.  If I'm upset or not feeling it, you're probably going to know it. I don't mean that gives me the right to be a jerk and personally, I do need to be better about disconnecting situations and life. If something happens and I get upset, I need to be able to let that go and not let that taint my mood for the rest of the day.  There's balance there and I'm working on that.

Back to the point, I am a pastor's wife.  I'm okay with that because that doesn't define me, it enhances me.  I love the people that we've been blessed with.  I love that I can be me. I love that I'm bobbing and weaving all over the place after church.   I love that I get to be involved in all of their lives.  I love that because I love them...genuinely love them.  That's not my "job" as pastor's wife because honestly, not all pastor's wives do that.  I do it because it's who I am as Heather, not because I feel like I need to shake your hand and thank you for coming to church.  If you know me, I'm going to grab you and hug you, not shake your hand...puhlease!!

There is a downside to me (ha-as if that's a shocker).  I take things pretty personally, working on that too.  I want El and I to be all for all.  I want everyone to be happy and love everything.  And then reality smacks me in the face.  I have to realize that El and I have completely different personalities (as do most other couples on the planet).  He is an introvert in social situations.  He's content to sit in a chair on the side and talk with one person or noone.  He needs to be able to just veg out after being in social situations because he is drained.  Not so much for me.  It has taken me a while to be okay with this mainly because I'm quite opposite.

And here is where the struggle for me happens.  We are vulnerable and honest and lay it all out there.  That's who we are....there is risk in that.  When you're vulnerable, you give others the opportunity to kick you while you're down.  So for me, as a people pleaser who wants everybody to be happy, I don't like to be kicked.  I want everyone to be happy with me and with El.  That doesn't always happen and I take it personally.  And then I think, "HEY, do I come into your business (no b/c you have not been vulnerable-granted most other people don't stand up every Sunday and share their vulnerability) and just give you my opinion about stuff?  Do I expect you and your family to be or do or perform in the way that I want?"  No, I don't, well sometimes I do get offended by stuff but I try to get over it and keep things in perspective.  It's always baffled me the way people scrutinize pastors (& their families).  I hate that part of El's job.  However, I'm learning that it comes with the job and I have to deal with it because I come with El....we're a package deal. 

I'm learning to let people be who they are.  Life is a process and we're all learning and growing and struggling at different rates and levels and stages.  I just want the same for my family.  I want grace and mercy and second chances.  In the same breath, I have to give grace, mercy and second chances.  I can't hold onto things either.  We're so imperfect. I am so imperfect. I daily have to apologize to someone for something and if I'm being completely honest, I don't apologize to El enough for my shortcomings. I'm prideful.  BUT, I'm learning.

El did a great job yesterday talking about feet washing...he again was humble and vulnerable.  I'm sure he's heard a lot of comments about doing laundry on FB and people trying to be funny about it.  That's okay, he's a good sport about it  I told him yesterday, "How cool would it be if God uses you and what you taught yesterday to strengthen other marriages and families? "   I hope that yesterday and today, there are husbands and wives who are NOT focusing on themselves and having mini-pity parties about themselves and their situations but who ARE focusing on their spouse and their kiddos.  I hope that a husband got up this morning and made coffee for his wife before he rushed out to work.  And I hope that a wife got up and unresentfully put her husband's dirty underwear in the hampter that was 2 ft from where he threw them on the floor.  How cool would that be??!!  I love that we can be honest because we're all on the same playing field.  We're all living this life that sometimes is wonderful but sometimes just sucks.  We all struggle with kids, parenting, financies, MARRIAGE, we're all there.  Let's quit hiding.

If I've learned one thing from Catalyst, it's that it's okay to be honest and real. I love when we get the opportunity to reflect and share at church.  I love hearing the stories of the people of Catalyst because I know it will not be bs but it will be the sometimes ugly, real truth.

And back to the title of my post (or book-it was LONG today) sometimes the ugly, real truth is .....

1 comment:

Ashley Self said...

Thanks Heather. That encouraged me!