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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Long Blogger

Levi said I was a long blogger.....I just started I guess I'm kind of excited about my blog. I'm tired tonight so I don't have much to say. We had a busy but good day. We're still praying and trusting God about the sale of our house in NC. It's hard not to be discouraged. I read a devotional today that talked about how we blame God for our hopelessness and wonder why He's not working and we miss the fact that through His death, He is the God of hope. We have nothing to worry about or fear.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I want to be blessed....

Matthew 5:1-12

When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.

“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

“You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.

“Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

I read the Beattitudes in a different light today, it was kind of weird. I was reading from another blog and I really liked the translation. I felt convicted on more than one of those beattitudes but really liked the one about teaching people to cooperate instead of fight and compete. Man, I catch myself often times competing. And it's usually for nothing, to win an argument, sound stronger or knowledgeable. I don't know why I do that. I don't want to be defensive, I just want to be peaceful. It sounds funny for me to say that for some reason. Inside of me feels pretty "fight-ful" if that's even a word, I don't think it is. I'm trying to let go and submit. The last part really hit me too. It's so hard when people are speaking bad about you and continuing to drag your name in issues that have NOTHING to do with you. I hate that. And there comes the "fight-ful" nature again. It's like I feel like telling the world how unjust I'm being treated. And then I have to think about myself and how I've treated people. The funny thing is I can justify my actions...sick, I know. I really am trying to see even those that hurt me and say things against me as Christ sees them. I had a friend tell me one time that hurt people hurt people. How true! I can see that in this situation and it makes me sad for them. I want to love even when it hurts and it isn't reciprocated. God, help me to be one of the blessed in the beattitudes. Help me to be a servant, a friend, hungry for you, caring, and help me to be okay when I'm persecuted.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Today was Pivotal

So everything you hear says that you should enjoy the journey not the destination. Today was a pivotal day for me. It's so weird. We've been here for 6 months now. I knew that church planting would be hard but never imagined it would be this hard. Sometimes I feel like we're constantly fighting uphill battles. It seems like nothing is falling into place and going right. Everything is a fight. I hate it. We thought our house in NC was sold but that fell through. We moved cross country with 2 babies under 3 knowing we have no support or family. This has sucked. In the midst of all that, I've been bitter, resentful, sad, and definitely struggling. Today was pivotal for me. We've been going to Cornerstone of Rockwall since we're not meeting weekly. I love it. I love Doug and Frani. They're so real and just cool people. I laugh, belly laugh, listening to Doug preach. He's so funny and genuine. Today he spoke about the joy, power, mission, belief, and worship we have because we're followers of Christ. The mission part struck me. He said that you are where you are for a reason and God dispatched you. He talked about what dispatch means and that it's so "emergency" sounding. It's vital that those who are dispatched go where they're dispatched. I've been sulking in all the bad about where we are and missing the mission in the meantime. He also talked about the verse that says to tell God what you need and thank Him for what He's done. I think I tend to just tell him all the bad and what I want instead of thanking Him for all of the miracles He's done. I don't want to be a Doubting Thomas who has to stick my hand in the nail wounds. I want to believe without seeing. I want to have that kind of faith that is strong and unwaivering no matter the circumstances of life. I don't want to be like the Israelites who saw miracles yet still had disbelief. God brought us here and we've seen His hand of provision. We were at our launch meeting tonight and I was talking to a "retired" pastor's wife. She's so wise. She said she had a "Come to Jesus" basically with Jesus and just broke. It was at that point that she realized her agenda was done and that she would allow Christ to work through her and use her. I really cherish that conversation, she'll never know how much I needed to hear her words. I've struggled and wrestled with God and I want to be in the center of His will, not fighting and regretting where I am because I know I am where He wants us to be. God, help me to draw near to You instead of away from You. Help me to trust You without flinching. Help me to tap the power, joy, and mission that You've given me.