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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Anxiety vs Hemlines

It's 11pm....I'm usually pretty wiped out by now but for some reason I'm not.  I'm listening to our worship music for tomorrow's service.  I'm surfing facebook, such a time sucker.  I'm thinking.  The older I get, the more I am learning about myself but the more I realize I need to work on.  I hate that part.  I feel like at some point, it should be easy.  It's not.  As a wife, I struggle to be selfless and loving and I don' always recognize all the positives that are around me.  As a mom, I struggle with making little things a big deal and being joyful and savoring every second with my kiddos.  As a pastor's wife I struggle with worrying about what others think and wanting everyone to "get it" and to do what they're supposed to in our community to show the love of Jesus.  As a friend, I struggle to stay connected to all the people I want to stay connected to. As an individual, I struggle with wearing all the hats that I feel like I "should" wear and staying with it, I struggle with what others think and how I measure up. So all that to say, I'm feeling a little anxious.........
And then I read in John 14: 27, I'm leaving you well and whole. That's my parting gift to you. Peace. I don't leave you the way you're used to being left-feeling abandoned, bereft. So don't be upset. Don't be distraught. 
So, we're to have peace, we're not to be distraught or left feeling abandoned. Now contextually, Jesus is talking to the disciples.  He is comforting them in a way. So, I know that right, I get it.  I get that we are supposed to relinquish worry, anxiety, fear, etc.  It's so much easier to write that and say it but living it out is a challenge.  I read that chapter and I'm reminded that the very men who literally lived life with Jesus still questioned and asked "stupid" questions.  They lived with him and they still struggled with understanding.  I can kind of let myself off of the hook. The truth is that  Jesus was a mystery of sorts. It seemed that He always shocked those around Him (His followers and those that were not so much followers).  But he was captivating.  People who encountered Him knew He was a big deal.  When He touched them, they were forever changed even without understanding all there was to know.  I love that.  
I love the image of the woman who had so much faith that the thought of touching the hem of His robe would heal her.  That's crazy faith.  I love it.  
And I realize that I fall short all too often, as you read above.  I want to be a hem grabber.  I want to go to the Father with every ounce of my being.  I want to live carefree (not in an irresponsible way) but in a worry free way.  I want to let God be in control of all the parts of me, wife, mom, pastor's wife role, friend, me...all of me.  I love that He wants the same.  He pursues me.  He wants me to let go and grab His hem.  That's such a cool visual to me.  
I needed to get all of that out.  I've been thinking about this a lot this week.  Thanks for reading.

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