Sexy Hot

Got your attention didn't I???

I wrote this and had Babe read it...he didn't like to be referred to as Babe, said it reminded him of the pig.  So, now he's EL, he wanted to be "L" but I think "el" is funnier:) Onto the good stuff.....

Okay so I don't pride myself in being a pastor's wife.  I try NOT to tell peeps that about me.  However, we've tried to be a different couple when it comes to being a pastor & wife.  (which only makes sense because our church is a different church).  I was told one time that as a pastor's wife, I would not be able to have friends, I would be alone, I couldn't be vulnerable with the people of our church.  That statement has haunted me because I so didn't want it to be true.  I know nothing else to be but myself.  El & I have had lots of conversations about expectations and roles when it comes to being pastor and wife.  Not "those" kind of roles people...more like boundaries for ourselves and our family.  We've tried to be really true to who we are.  We are us, imperfect, crazy, moody (more so me), etc.  If I'm upset or not feeling it, you're probably going to know it. I don't mean that gives me the right to be a jerk and personally, I do need to be better about disconnecting situations and life. If something happens and I get upset, I need to be able to let that go and not let that taint my mood for the rest of the day.  There's balance there and I'm working on that.

Back to the point, I am a pastor's wife.  I'm okay with that because that doesn't define me, it enhances me.  I love the people that we've been blessed with.  I love that I can be me. I love that I'm bobbing and weaving all over the place after church.   I love that I get to be involved in all of their lives.  I love that because I love them...genuinely love them.  That's not my "job" as pastor's wife because honestly, not all pastor's wives do that.  I do it because it's who I am as Heather, not because I feel like I need to shake your hand and thank you for coming to church.  If you know me, I'm going to grab you and hug you, not shake your hand...puhlease!!

There is a downside to me (ha-as if that's a shocker).  I take things pretty personally, working on that too.  I want El and I to be all for all.  I want everyone to be happy and love everything.  And then reality smacks me in the face.  I have to realize that El and I have completely different personalities (as do most other couples on the planet).  He is an introvert in social situations.  He's content to sit in a chair on the side and talk with one person or noone.  He needs to be able to just veg out after being in social situations because he is drained.  Not so much for me.  It has taken me a while to be okay with this mainly because I'm quite opposite.

And here is where the struggle for me happens.  We are vulnerable and honest and lay it all out there.  That's who we are....there is risk in that.  When you're vulnerable, you give others the opportunity to kick you while you're down.  So for me, as a people pleaser who wants everybody to be happy, I don't like to be kicked.  I want everyone to be happy with me and with El.  That doesn't always happen and I take it personally.  And then I think, "HEY, do I come into your business (no b/c you have not been vulnerable-granted most other people don't stand up every Sunday and share their vulnerability) and just give you my opinion about stuff?  Do I expect you and your family to be or do or perform in the way that I want?"  No, I don't, well sometimes I do get offended by stuff but I try to get over it and keep things in perspective.  It's always baffled me the way people scrutinize pastors (& their families).  I hate that part of El's job.  However, I'm learning that it comes with the job and I have to deal with it because I come with El....we're a package deal. 

I'm learning to let people be who they are.  Life is a process and we're all learning and growing and struggling at different rates and levels and stages.  I just want the same for my family.  I want grace and mercy and second chances.  In the same breath, I have to give grace, mercy and second chances.  I can't hold onto things either.  We're so imperfect. I am so imperfect. I daily have to apologize to someone for something and if I'm being completely honest, I don't apologize to El enough for my shortcomings. I'm prideful.  BUT, I'm learning.

El did a great job yesterday talking about feet washing...he again was humble and vulnerable.  I'm sure he's heard a lot of comments about doing laundry on FB and people trying to be funny about it.  That's okay, he's a good sport about it  I told him yesterday, "How cool would it be if God uses you and what you taught yesterday to strengthen other marriages and families? "   I hope that yesterday and today, there are husbands and wives who are NOT focusing on themselves and having mini-pity parties about themselves and their situations but who ARE focusing on their spouse and their kiddos.  I hope that a husband got up this morning and made coffee for his wife before he rushed out to work.  And I hope that a wife got up and unresentfully put her husband's dirty underwear in the hampter that was 2 ft from where he threw them on the floor.  How cool would that be??!!  I love that we can be honest because we're all on the same playing field.  We're all living this life that sometimes is wonderful but sometimes just sucks.  We all struggle with kids, parenting, financies, MARRIAGE, we're all there.  Let's quit hiding.

If I've learned one thing from Catalyst, it's that it's okay to be honest and real. I love when we get the opportunity to reflect and share at church.  I love hearing the stories of the people of Catalyst because I know it will not be bs but it will be the sometimes ugly, real truth.

And back to the title of my post (or book-it was LONG today) sometimes the ugly, real truth is .....

Closet

It has been a while...I've got lots to say, let's see how much I can get through.

BTW, I'm going to try to start typing with code names..partly to keep anonymity of my friends & fam and partly b/c I think ti's cool.  So, hubby with be "babe' b/c that's what I usually call him.  Son will be "LJ" because he is a junior of his dad. Daughter will be "AL" because I usually add Lou to her first name when calling her.  Kind of random and crazy but hey, that's me right:)

Okay so a couple of months ago,  LJ's teacher New York, one of them, offered clothes to him.  First of all, I love the teachers at the MDO where I work and the kids go. It is AWESOME. I gladly accept and go over one afternoon to get the "bag"of clothes.  OH MY GOSH!! The clothes, shoes, PJ's, etc. filled LJ's dresser.  Then, she told me that she had more coming...she did and his closet is full too.  The clothes were in great shape, some still with tags.  I was awestruck.  Fast forward to a few weeks ago, my other friend, let's call her Wonder Woman...because she is and adores Wonder Woman.  She gave me a few bags of clothes from her children...again both kids got great stuff and it saves me $$$.  Again, emotional.

Am I being dramatic about my reaction?  Maybe a tiny bit but it changed my perspective.  Whenever my kids have grown out of stuff, I've worked really hard to sell them in the twice a year consignment sale or taken them to the consignment store.  Now, I've made $100 at the consignment sale and maybe $50 when I take them to the consignment store which does help...don't get me wrong.

BUT, the feeling of having your closet stocked and not having to go out and spend a small fortune each season is wonderful.  And knowing that helping someone else is better than landing money in my own pocket. I'm trying to learn this lesson.

This weekend, I went into LJ's closet and took everything out.  It was a lot and truthfully a bit overwhelming & embarassing.  It was like everytime I changed their closets, I just moved what didn't fit into his closet.  It was 3 rubbermaids full but gosh...it expanded when I laid it all out.  Even as I was sorting and looking through, I thought, "I could make some money on this stuff."  Before you think I'm patting myself on the back, I'm not. I'm being honest and vulnerable and this is my blog by the way, so I can be those things:)  It is a bit of an internal struggle for me to be able to give all of that away.  I gave all the boy stuff to great friends who are having a boy this fall.  I sacked up other boy stuff for another friend.  I'm working on all the girl stuff now.

I don't know if those I am giving too are as thrilled as I was when I got the clothes but it has been a good lesson in obedience and giving for me.  I never want to be greedy and greedy might be strong.  But when I feel like I should do something, I want to be obedient to do it because maybe it's gas but maybe it's God's way of using that still small voice to have me think of others before myself.  I want to always be open to that.

My Precious Girl

Since we've gone to 2 services, our older child, hasn't been thrilled about staying in the same room for 2+ hours.  Our kids are usually there around 9am and we don't leave until 12:30 or after...gosh it feels like a lot longer but anyway.  We've started letting her go the The Lab, which is for elementary kids, for one service.  She stays in worship with us and then goes back there for the teaching.  So, she sat with her daddy.  She was bobbing her head, clapping, & singing along. It almost makes me tear up just thinking about it.  One of our friends, Rachel, took this picture from her seat this morning.  This is what I got to look at while worshiping this morning.  Thanks Rachel:) 

miniblog on savings

Hey guys.  I had a friend (Stevo) give me an idea to blog about local deals and savings at restaurants, etc.  I'm thinking through that. This week has been crazy---ha just like all the others. I want to blog, truly I do I just run out of time.

Real quick though restaurant.com is having an 80% off sale.  That means you can get a $25 gift certificate for $2 (normally the $25 certificates are $10).  This is a great deal.  Now, I will tell you that you will still spend some money. It's not like you're going to get out of there paying $5 or something ridonkulous like that.  But, it's a nice meal and it's cheaper.  You usually have to spend $35 before the certificate.  It usually does not include drinks so clarify that before you go ordering.  And for $2 it's a great deal!!

Enjoy!!

Kickball can change a life.....

well it did my husband's.  I'm going to direct you to his blog for the details. I'm not usually big on, let's just do it..impulsive living.  BUT, at the same time, I'm trying to hear God's voice and prompting (because let's face it....not really heard a loud thunderclap or boom and a directive from the clouds).  I'm trying to be a giver, a cheerful giver. I'm trying to be a lover of mercy and truthfully I don't even know what all that entails or means.  I'm trying to live selflessly and that is so hard for a critical person who struggles with life being fair (this would be me I"m speaking of...what is that Character flaw numbers 5 & 6 I think).  So, when Levi came home from the 50 hour kickball game (..yeah you might want to read his post before mine) and after I was sure he was coherent, we began talking about the experience.  He began to tell me more about the impact that Chris Field and the Mercy Project had on him.  I struggled to fight back tears thinking that parents could sell their child and that a fisherman would really make a kid work 16-18 hours dishing water out of a boat so it wouldn't sink.  It broke my heart. I couldn't imagine A or K being in that situation.  So, Levi mentioned that Chris was going back to Ghana this summer on a mission trip and that at some point he would love to join Chris and see firsthand.  Levi loves Chris....BACKGROUND: Chris & his wife moved 2 doors down from us last summer to kind of plant or restart a church.  Isn't it funny how God brings lives together.  We've seen the change in Chris over the last year. He first went to Ghana last summer and his life was forever changed. So much so that he started a nonprofit organization called Mercy Project.  He was not only changed but he was moved to action and he is changing the world one day at a time.  Cut back to Levi mentioning Chris' trip this summer. I looked at him and said, "Go this summer."  He was shocked because one, I hadn't asked how much the trip would cost and 2, I was willfully letting him go for a couple of weeks without a guilt trip.  If I know anything about God, I know that He puts people and situations in our lives and uses others to demonstrate His mercy, grace, & compassion.  Chris is an example of those things to my husband and Levi (I hope) is the same for him in different ways.  So, a week later I don't know how much the trip will cost and we'll probably be asking for some help....don't avoid us:)  But, I know if there's a desire in Levi's heart to change the world, I want him to tap into it.  I want him to grab that bull by the horns. I want God to use him however he can and wherever He can.  I want to be supportive and not a roadblock for my husband. I tend to be the "I want to see how it all works and know the end" kind of person.  I'm trying to be the "I'm trusting and have faith" kind of person.  So...the moral of the blog is, kick really can change a life and that life can change another life and so on and so forth.

Sorry to go all spiritual on you...it's definitely a little deeper than normal life talk but I needed to process it a bit and share.   

It's almost Wed....

It's been a good week thus far.  We had a great family day yesterday and a great cookout with great friends to end the day. Today was fine.  Tomorrow is Wed., we have small group.  We just thirded our small group because we were so small but we were a lot of fun.  One thing I'm learning is that leading is hard sometimes.  You have to make decisions knowing not everybody's going to love it & sometimes even decisions that you're not going to love.  We did that in thirding our small group.  I'm going to miss our originals but at the same time, I am THRILLED that we have 2 brand new groups starting.  Lots of changes happening and sometimes it's just learn as you go and grow.  Sorry...not too eventful tonight:)

Saturdays....

are wonderful. I love the low key-ness of Saturdays. This one did not start that way but has turned out to be pretty nice.  The kids are in their bathing suits playing in the kiddie pool outside (truly not warm enough yet).  I'm catching up on emails and my blogs.  I'm about to start some freezer cooking & catch up on my shows while they nap.  Levi is playing in his world record kickball game which is quite frankly kickin' his butt. He is so tired. He said every bone and muscle in his body hurts.  I feel bad for him.  We've spent time out there yesterday and today.  These people are awesome.  They are seriously playing kickball for 50 hours NOT just for the world record but to raise money for these little children in Ghana that have captured Chris' heart. I love that. I love the passion that Chris exudes.  It's crazy and awesome all at the same time.  I love that he and Stacey live 2 doors down.  I love that he pops in with baby Micah just to let us see her.  I can't wait till they let us babysit her while they enjoy a "date" or "shower" or just some "alone" time...why am I using all the " " signs??  We're lucky people all the way around.  On a side note about love...I love my kids.  I fall more in love with them everyday. I about had a melt down at Walmart this morning and on our way to take our 18 feet of subs to the kickball game Addy reached over and grabbed my hand and said, "Mommy, I love you even when you're angry."  I had an "okay I'm a jerk!" moment.  Her love for me is selfless and unconditional (most days). I love that.  I love my kids.  I love hearing them laugh and play and pretend together. I love to hear them comforting each other.  I truly am a lucky woman!!!