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Thursday, December 3, 2009


It is late and I so should be in bed but I'm not.  I'm finishing some things and caught up on Glee and just enjoying the quiet.  I reflect a lot in the quiet.  I think about the day, my kids, my to do's, my regrets of the day, my plan for tomorrow, lots of thoughts.  Tonight I'm reflecting on the birth of my kids.  We have friends that had their first baby this morning.  As I read their thoughts, it took me back to when we first held our baby girl for the first time and thoughts about holding our baby boy for the first time.  I always thought how those thoughts would be so prevalent and strong forever but thinking back, it feels like forever ago.  Man I love my kids.  I would give my own life for them.  I am so in love with them it hurts sometimes.  I can remember when we held Ad for the first time and the emotion was so deep and strong and intense.  I remember thinking, "If what I'm feeling is this powerful and I'm human, how much more does God love us?"  I had a glimpse of what it must have felt like for God to send Jesus into the world.  If I let myself, I kind of question how He could have done that to His son.  I don't think I could give my kids up for someone else's life.  Just being honest here.  Then I think, wow, how much does He love us then?  His sacrifice of His son was ultimate, there is nothing greater to give than your child's life.  He loves us that much, what an overwhelming thought.  I'm thankful for that tonight.  I'm thankful for God's people that show Levi and I so much love on a daily basis.  I don't mean to be cheesey or weird but we are amazed by the people that are in our lives (CatRow peeps, friends, neighbors, other pastors). It's awesome.  As I sat in my living room tonight surrounded by our small group, I lit up inside.  I felt a real sense of joy at sharing life in such a casual and freeing way. It was awesome.  I love that I can be me. I love that my house can be dusty and that my dishes don't all match and I don't feel judged or stressed about any of if.  I love that our small group walks in our door without knocking....I love that!  I love that our friends are willing to share vulnerably.  I love that my husband teaches & preaches in a way that is inviting and relational and is vulnerable.  I love that God is using Him.

Another random blog from me!!

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