Lots Going On

Okay well we have a lot going on right now. We've had a great weekend and I'm anticipating a great day at church tomorrow. I'll have to fill you in on a couple of situations, I'll bullet them so I don't forget.

• met a new friend from Frisco and am excited about that relationship
• found out the van has been fixed, thanks to Josh, Rachel's boyfriend
• found Allie a new home, Addy was oh so sad to see her go
• we might get our door painted because while we were gone, a flyer stuck to it, the company is coming out Monday to see if they can get it off..weird I know
• am getting a quote on carpet...I hope it's reasonable...I've wanted carpet for over a year
• went to hear Jono's band, Saint Karla play tonight, had a lot of fun
• Janet volunteered to babysit which was so nice and it's always good to visit
• may have some first time guests tomorrow which is a crazy situation in itself
• got to scrap with some friends and stayed up way too late but had a lot of fun
• took Addy & Keegan to th wetzone again and they loved it
• Addy & Levi had their first official date today and both had a blast
• am getting a new scooba because our's isn't working and it's still under warranty

Have I mentioned that I am random???

ER BILL

Well, I knew it was coming, we got the bill for Addy's ER visit at the beginning of the month. I've been dreading it. We don't have "regular" health insurance, we have an HSA because we never have big things happen. We were trying to save money monthly with lower premiums but have a HUGE deductible, etc etc etc. When we had the accident this month, we kind of freaked for a minute about how much it would all cost. We realized that we could make monthly payments and even if we had to pay till Addy was 30, it would be okay and we'd make it...okay I'm being over-dramatic. Well, the Sunday that Addy's accident happened, we had some friends from church come over to visit and handed us a card with a love offering for Addy's hospital bills. And we got the bill today....the difference between the love offering and the bill was like $50 bucks or something. I tell you that because I'm continuously amazed at how BIG God is and how He takes care of us. I'm really trying to learn to rest in Him and wait on Him and not worry because that doesn't help and it just distracts from Him. Thank you God and thank you Catalyst Rowlett for letting God use you in a BIG GOD way for our family!!!

Wacky Wednesday

We've had a good week. Monday we went to a playdate and in the afternoon I took the kids to "Wetzone" which is a city water park. They loved it. We had a great time. Tuesday we just chilled and stayed around the house....we did do our MANDO Walmart run which really wasn't mando at all. Levi took the kids to Sam's to finish our list while I went to band practice. I'm trying to do laundry...I hate letting it pile up but I always do that. Today I took Addy to a preschool/MDO program to tour it and see how we liked it. I liked it alot. It took us like 8 minutes to get there. Addy loved playing in the rooms. I think we're going to enroll her in the fall. It would give her a couple of days just doing her own thing. I think she needs that. She needs that challenge of learning and being with kiddos her own age. There is another church that I'd like to check out but it's about a 20 minute drive and with gas the way it is, that would add up pretty quickly. Bummer!! This one is good, it's just nice to have a referral, you know??

One a different note, we continue to see God's hand of provision on us. In case you haven't picked up on it, this transition to Dallas has been really tough on me. I am finally feeling some connections and it feels good. My Grandma sent me a devotional thought today about risks in faith. It basically said that God's timing is perfect and when things are hard and we can't see God's hand, He's still there. One of the scriptures was John 13:7, when Jesus said: “You do not realize now what I'm doing but later you will understand” (NIV). I want to have faith and be faithful. God has been so good to us and I am so thankful. It is almost laughable the things that have happened to us and the blessings that we've experienced. I mean, seriously, kind of uncanny. It's awesome though. But it's almost like I need to say to myself, "Why would you doubt? Why would you be discouraged?" And I'm not, I'm good right now. I feel like God is definitely working in our hearts and lives and the lives of people around us.

I want to be out in the community loving people, not so they'll come to our church but because I want to show them God's love. I've kind of slacked off and I need to pick it up. We're doing this one prayer series at church which has been awesome. I think my prayer for our specific church would be for our people to get out of our comfort zones and get in the community and build relationships. It's hard to do that but it's so worth it. I did that when we first got here because I needed to get to know people and my mommy group was awesome for me. I've gotten comfortable and somewhat complacent. I need to be a little more active in that and stretch myself. I also don't need to be afraid to invite people to church. They won't come if we don't invite and it's hard to invite without relationship. So, that'd be my prayer for myself and my church.

Have a great Wednesday!!

Sunday

We had a great Sunday today. We were down a little at church which is kind of a bummer. I can't wait till we're in our own building, that will be great. We are doing a "One Prayer" series and today we heard from Perry Noble and his prayer is that the church would be dangerous. Aside from him just being HILARIOUS, he was really good. He talked about Christ followers being in two lines, those that are frustrated because they can't see God working and then those that are anticpating Him doing something awesome because they've seen Him work before. I find myself flip flopping from those two sides. I have no reason not to believe that God will do awesome things because we have seen Him work in our lives especially over this last year in miraculous ways. However, I tend to be in the frustrated line because it's not in my time. I know that's a control issue. I want things a certain way and it's hard for me if things don't always go according to plan. I want to work on that. I want to live life anticipating what God is going to do next. Another thing Perry spoke on today was thinking that God isn't big enough to handle my problems. What I realized today was that my problems are piddly....they're not problems, they're more like inconveniences. Again, I want to be okay with that. I don't want to complain or feel sorry for myself. I can definitely see that I cycle through some of those things...some of that is being a woman and sometimes I think I struggle with some mild depression/moodiness. Yeah, I know some of you are saying, "Finally, she admits it." :) I'm okay with that too...I can admit it, no denial here (at least about that). Sometimes I catch myself trying to control situations and think that people should act one way (and most of the time it's the way that I would act) and when they don't, it irritates the fire out of me. I realize that is controlling, again no denial. I'm going to try to work on that. People can do, act, and treat others the way they do and it's okay. It's not a reflection on me, it's not an attack of me. I can only control myself and how I choose to act. I went through the Celebrate Recovery 12 Step Program when we lived in Burlington. One of my greatest friends in the world, led a group for the pastors/staff wives at our church. It was one of the most helpful things I've done. I saw that you don't have to be addicted or abused to have issues in your life. We all have issues because we all live life. It was so good to just look at myself honestly and try to work through and see how the experiences in my life shaped who I was. It was good to be able to look at who God made me to be and be that. I really need to go back over that material monthly to be refreshed and to see how I've changed (for the good and bad) over the last year. I want to be reflective.

Again a random blog....it was a good day. Our neighbors came over and played the Wii today. It was fun, they're so silly. They love our kids and our kids love them. We ate at Double Daves with some friends....one of Levi's favorites.

By the way, the challenge that I talked about yesterday with the James Bond theme song playing in your head....MISSION ACCOMPLISHED...at least part 1 of the mission is accomplished.

One More Thing.....

I forgot to tell you that we still don't have our van back...yeah they have had it for over 2 1/2 weeks. So, we had to drive Levi's 2 1/2 door Saturn to camp, 2 1/2 hours away. I feel like a bunch of clowns getting out of that tiny car. The kids have done great and I can definitely reach everything they need. I will be so glad to get my van back....I miss it...I never thought I would say that.

Levi talked to the mechanic today. Apparently, they have the majority of the work done and have had it done for over a week. They finally discovered that the anti-theft device is the root of the problem so they have to figure out how to do the electrical work to disable it or enable it or something....too confusing for me.

Camp

We just got back today from a week at teen camp. I know, it's been almost 2 weeks since I last blogged...bad bad bad. Our band, Fusion, led the worship this week at the Dallas Teen Camp. We had a lot of fun. There were over 200 teens and adult leaders there. We had fun connecting with some of the other adults around the area. There was so much energy and excitement. It made me miss being in youth ministry. I think being around all of those teenagers keeps you young. I definitely miss that and did this week. The teens were so accepting of us. I had a good time. We took the kids. Levi had to do some seminars a couple of the days but kept the kids at night. He would start in the service but it was too loud for Addy and Keegan couldn't get enough. They're so funny and so different. Levi was on night night duty all week and did a great job. I know he would have loved to hear the night services and he did get to here one complete one. He and the speaker connected so at least he had that. So, when you read this Levi...thank you thank you thank you. You're a great Dad!! Addy and Keegan did great. We went swimming a couple of days and they loved that. We had a good week. They actually asked the band to come back and play at another district event in a couple of months...pretty neat.

I'm doing okay. I've kind of been struggling the last couple of weeks at just being lonely. I know that sounds silly but just been kind of lonely. Ever since Addy's accident, I've felt kind of out of the loop. It definitely had made me realize that I want to spend as much time with my kids and Levi as I can. I stayed pretty busy and I'm trying to slow down a little bit and enjoy them more. I want to notice the little things they do. Like how Keegan covers his eye (sometimes only one) and uncovers and says, "BOO." And how Addy repeats EVERYTHING we say. Tonight, we were driving by our church property and they are doing a lot of work and it looks so different. We told her to look out her window. So she does and just says out loud, "Thank you God for building our church." Levi and I looked at each other with just HUGE grins. I don't want to miss anything with my kids and I'm so thankful for them and my time with them. It's funny to think of life before kids and now. I almost typed that there were definites that I miss....there aren't. I guess sometimes it would be nice to have more money (I thought that pre-kids too) and time and to not have the responsibility ALL the time. I can't even say that because they complete who I am and I can't imagine life without them. I can't even remember what we did without them.

I finished my day talking with a wonderful friend from North Carolina...I miss her tremendously. She balances me and I can vent and she brings me back around. She knows me so well and can be honest with me. She has given me a challenge for the week and I've got to remember to do it because she's going to ask me about it this week and I've got to have completed it....da da da da da ....okay I was trying to type the James Bond Theme song but it's not working...

Well, I should close, I'm pooped...I forgot how teen things make you feel that way too. It's a lot of activity with little sleep. I did enjoy the late night talks at the snack shack with the adults. it's late and I'm rambling. We took Addy and Keegan to Chuck E. Cheese tonight just to play. It was fun but we're all tired and we've got a big day tomorrow. Addy goes for her second dance class....JAZZ. I can't wait to see her. It was so much fun watching her do ballet last week. She's a natural:) Then, we have a birthday party and I think we might go pick blackberries. I know that's a lot but the party is right near an orchard and I'd love to get blackberries and peaches...YUMMY!! This has been random but I wanted to fill you in. I'm learning my life is pretty random so how can I expect my blogs to be any less:)

Felt More Like Me

I felt more like me today. I told my friend Xuan I wanted to go to Firewheel mall. It's an outdoor mall and I love it. I love just walking outside (even though it's hot as anything) and just enjoying looking. I got to spend some birthday money too. It was fun to be with my friend and our kids. We had a great time. I've missed hanging out. I guess I've really worried her and a few other close friends. I'm okay...I promise. Addy's accident was really traumatic for her and for me. I'm okay, it's very sobering to experience that kind of trauma. I can't explain it and if you haven't been through something like that, you can't understand. I'm okay though. Thanks for caring!!

Stapled No More

Well today was the day I was dreading....we had to take Addy to the doctor to get her staples out. I've been prepping her all week. She was okay we talked about how nice doctors are, etc. We talked about getting a slurpee on the way home. We were hoping for the best. Well, the doctor got his stuff out and ready and Addy had to go to the potty. So, we went...then we got her back in there ready to go. The doctor pulled 3 staples out pretty easy. It did pull her hair but was okay, then Addy had to potty again. Well, we did and she did. So, we go back in and we all came unglued. Well, she did for sure and shortly, I had to leave the room. I can't handle hearing her scream and cry. From outside the door, I could hear her crying and the doctor and Levi talking and she calmed down. This went on for about 10 minutes. Then, the doctor comes out and says he got 6 staples out. He preceded to tell us how to take the staples out and suggested we do it while she sleeps or take her back to the ER where they could papoose her....no thanks, I'm done with papoosing. Levi tried to talk Addy into letting us pull the staples, she was not having it. So, when she was good and asleep we snuck into her room. I just watched as Levi pulled all of those staples out. She woke up once, if you even call it waking up. I was so glad...we are STAPLE FREE!! When she wakes up, she's going to think Jesus healed her. We tell her that Jesus helps her boo boos. So everyday she'll say, "Jesus is helping my boo boos, they're almost gone."

Rough Week

It has been a really rough week for me. I've felt a plethora of emotions this week and not very many of them have been pleasant. I realized how terrified and scared I am of anything hurting my children. I felt guilt at standing 2 feet away from my daughter experiencing a major trauma. I felt guilt at knowing my son was inches from it. I replayed the scene hundreds of times and cried myself to sleep. I tear up now just thinking about it. I felt stupid for letting us all be in one room knowing how dogs are. Every time I look at Addy's staples, I feel pain for her and for this happening. I feel guilt for not being able to be in the room while they were stapling her head. I felt sad at knowing our pet had no intention of hurting Addy and knowing that we can't let this happen again. I felt guilt at getting another dog because had we not had her, this probably would not have happened. I felt guilt at keeping her and finding Becker a new home.

Addy is an amazing child. She is resilient and forgiving. She has told us we are not finding Becker another home. I am so blessed to have her. I am so thankful that this accident was not worse. I'm thankful that her scars will not be visible. I'm thankful for hair. I'm thankful that they used staples and not stitches. I'm thankful that they didn't have to shave her head. I'm thankful for Dr. Lowry and his team of nurses who took such good care of my baby. I'm thankful for Levi and for him stepping up in a major way to hold his little princess while she endured pain. I'm thankful for the medicine that doesn't let Addy remember a lot of the trauma. I'm thankful for her forgiving spirit to a dog who didn't have any intention of hurting her. I'm thankful for neighbors who dropped everything for a 3 year old. I'm thankful for neighbors who took care of Keegan in a split second. I'm thankful for friends who brought her balloons, teddy bears, McDonalds happy meals, ice cream, who sent cards and called. I'm thankful for other moms who told me to let go of any guilt and blame, who let me cry, and just listened to me replay an awful story. I'm thankful for grandparents who called over and over to check on their granddaughter and who reminded me that their "heart" was laying on that table in the Emergency Room. I'm most thankful for a God who knows this kind of pain and hurt and understands. I'm thankful for His hand over Addy who protected her and Keegan from something that could have been much worse.

I don't understand the pain and torment God must have felt as He watched His Son be murdered. When I had Addy, I remember such an overwhelming feeling of closeness to God. I felt like I had some glimpse of how much He loved me because of how much love I had for Addy. There has never been a stronger feeling in my soul than my love for her and for Keegan. I remember thinking about how much God loves me if I am capable of loving her so much. I had that realization again this week but in a much different way. I thought of how much pain God felt. How it must have ripped His very heart out to watch His son be tortured and tormented.

I also thought about moms who have lost their children or who have watched their children suffer disease and illness and my heart broke. If I felt so deeply about my daughter's head being wounded, how much do those moms suffer and hurt. I can't imagine how they function.

I want to be compassionate and loving. I want to enjoy every day with my kids. I want to be patient and kind. I want to be thankful for every second I have with them.


I've been weird about blogging this week. I didn't want to think about what happened Sunday or maybe I was in denial because that's all I've been thinking about. Please continue to pray for us. We go back to the doctor on Monday to get Addy's staples out. We were talking about it in the car this morning and she told me that they're going to put her Dora hair back in. She thinks she lost her Dora hair. I reassured her that she did not lose her Dora hair. She's so funny!! I'm thankful for her sense of humor too :)

Reluctant

I am reluctant to blog today. I am exhausted physically and emotionally and I just want to sleep. I'm going to copy an email that I sent today. I want today to be over and to forget that it happened. Here's the email:

Just wanted to let you know about an incident that happened today. We rescued a mini schnauzer and have only had her a week. Levi left early this morning and the van broke down again (but for real this time…we thinkL). He was waiting on the tow truck. I had just gotten Keegan and let the dogs out. We were all in our bedroom and the dogs started playing rough, I was just getting ready to tell Addy and Keegan to back up when she moved and scared Becker. He had his mouth open and his teeth went across the top and back of her head and made 2 large gashes and one small one. I had to call the neighbor to take us to the ER. She has 25+ staples in her head. She’s fine and it was a total freak accident. It has been a tremendously hard day. I know that I’ve never felt the hurt and pain as deeply as I felt it today hearing her scream and being soaked in her blood. I am so glad she’s fine now. I think we’ll give Becker to another family where he can be the only dog. He has been so kind and gentle to our kids but he doesn’t know his own size or strength. I would never want this to happen again. It breaks my heart to think of giving him to someone else but I cannot express in words how my heart felt today holding my baby as she went through that ordeal. I just wanted to let you know.
Love you,
Heather

It was an awful day, long and exhausting. I am so glad it's over. Our church is so special and I was so emotional today but I"m so thankful for them and their outpouring of love. This whole time we've been in Texas, I've struggled because we came from a church that loved Addy so much and I've struggled with feeling like we didn't have that here. Well, today I am assured and felt in such a tangible way that my kids are loved and are taken care of by our church family. It was awesome to read your cards, hear your kinds words on the phone (and in person) and accept your gifts for Addy. You guys don't know how much that means to a Mom. We are so blessed to be here and you don't know how healing that was for me in more ways than one.

I hope I wake up tomorrow and forget like Addy hopefully will. No seriously, they gave her medicine with an amnesiac in it and the nurse told me she will not fully remember what happened today. I wish I could have a dose of that.

Love,
Heather