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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Peaceful Groove

Hello. I hope you're having a good week. It's been weird for me, way weird actually. I know I told you yesterday that I'm trying to get up early before the kiddos and do my devotions and journal. I didn't do it today, I know. Keegan was up at 4:30 this morning and would not go back to sleep. I kind of enjoyed it because he's so cuddly and I love that time with him but I was so tired. Every time I tried to put him back in his crib, he screamed so the last time, I just rocked and rocked him. I love being a Mom, I think that's got to be my favorite part, just cuddling. I am so keenly aware, (aware as I can be I guess) of how time flies and I don't want to miss a second of this. I love the diapers and the baby food and the not walking (although Keegy is oh so mobile). I love Addy not being able to say her r's and when she sings "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" she says, "and a happy new ears." And she thinks we're really wishing people new ears. I love it! They are my joy and I couldn't imagine my life without them. Okay, total tangent there, back on track. So, needless to say. When Keegan woke up at 4:30 and I put him back in bed, I went back in Addy's room to check on her. It's a compulsive habit, I check on both of my kids whenever I get up and always before I go to bed and the first thing I check when I wake up. So anyway, she's not in her room. I go back to my room. She's been teasing me (or so I thought) and telling me at night that she's going to sleep in my bed. I guess she wasn't teasing. Levi slept on the couch because he wanted to be propped up because we're all struggling with sinus stuff..YUCK. So, I lay down and she wants juice, just a little bit she says. Keegan is still crying so I get up and don't get back in bed till almost 6. This story is getting longer, sorry. We had our playgroup coming over for lunch so it was just a crazy morning. It just reminded me of the scripture that says, "Why do we do the things we don't want to and don't do the things we should?" That's a Heather paraphrase. I have the best intentions but it's so hard to follow through sometimes. It's been a long day. It was good though. I really like our playgroup and I am so thankful for those moms and kids. We had band practice tonight and it went really well. I love to sing and I feel like for me, that's such an outlet. I'm really liking the music we're doing this month. It's refreshing and one song has got a slow grooving kind of feel. Our worship pastor wrote it and I really like it. I'm really proud of Jonathan. Anyway, as we were singing this one song, I was hitting a note that wasn't wrong but it was kind of a minor feel, kind of like in a rock song. It sounded like it needed to resolve but with the music it didn't resolve. Jonathan was helping me find another note that wasn't "rocking" or minor and blended more to the feel of the song. I had such a hard time getting it. It was so frustrating because I really have a hard time changing what I'm singing once I hear something that I think should work. I just kind of thought in my life, it's the same way. If I think I'm right or even just get in a habit or pattern, it is so hard for me to change that. I want so bad to "resolve" it like that note, but just can't. Until God comes and helps me to see the light or hear the right notes and then it's still hard but it's doable knowing He's there helping, not in a condemning way but in a graceful, teaching way. Jonathan's good at that (I know I'm tooting his horn in my blog). He never makes any of us feel stupid if we hit a weird note or don't get it. He's really good to be patient in correction. It just kind of hit me that that's how God works. He wants us to get it so badly and He's so patient with us. I'm so glad because sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in that "minor" rock note and just want a slow, peaceful groove.

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