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Wednesday, September 8, 2010


So, I found out last week that my grandmother has a mass in her throat that is 8 cm across. It is blocking food from going where it should.  They also found that she has a mass in each breast.  Her mother died of breast cancer and she had a tumor removed a long time ago in one breast.  I also found out that she hasn't had a mammogram in the last 10 years.  The doctors biopsied the throat tumor and should get the result tomorrow, there was a delay because of the holiday weekend.  However, they have already called an oncologist in and he has given her a few options. However, none of those options are good.  It makes me really sad.  The thought of her dying a painful death kills me.  The thought of my mom losing her mom breaks my heart.  The reality that life ends and that those I love will not always be with me is one idea that I'd like to stay in denial about. 

I got to talk to Gigi on Monday. She was in great spirits.  I asked if she was in pain, she said no except her arthritis.  I asked if she was scared or nervous, she said no, she'd lived a long life and it has been wonderful.  We talked about all of our loved ones that were in heaven and what a sweet reunion that would be.  I did not cry on the phone.  I didn't want her to hear that.  My tears were with mixed emotions.  I miss my family and so sometimes I cry just because it makes me sad to be so far away. 

I realized that in my own health, I need to be careful to have regular mammograms because there is obviously family history here.  I also realized that I want to be able to say what Gigi said, "I have lived a wonderful life."  I tend to major on the minors and hold grudges and take score. I don't want to do that.  I want to be a lover and a forgiver.  I want to savor each moment.

I'll keep you posted on Gigi.  She is an amazing woman.  My grandpa died when my mom was pregnant with me....thirty something years ago.  Gigi never remarried.  She worked, hard and when she retired, she started working at a "helping hands" type center.  She finally had to give that up a few months ago.  I admire her so much and I'm thankful for the legacy that she left for me.

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