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Sunday, October 11, 2009

I'm a Loser Baby....

So, it's been a week and no posts...so sorry. I have so wanted to and it's not because I haven't spent time on the computer. Ashamedly I've spent WAY TOO much time on the computer the past few days. Levi has now gotten ill...and it's cold. So, the kids and I have been hanging out in the living room and leaving him in our bedroom. I've had the television on and movies rolling while I pass the time playing bejeweled and checking email. We've all just hunkered down and enjoyed being home...except Levi, he doesn't have a choice. He's stuck b/c he feels like crap. I did take the kids to lunch today after church and let them play on an indoor playground. Just an update on us...

Levi did make it to church today to preach...he seriously came in right before church started and left RIGHT after he preached, didn't stay for communion or the last song. Just tells you how bad he feels. He did an awesome job. Other than dripping sweat the whole time, you wouldn't have known he was sick. He started a series today on "Losers." Today was Jonah and how Jonah ran from God. Tonight, as I was replaying the day, I tried to apply that to me. Have I ran from God in my life? This might be a stretch but follow me. This weekend was one where I felt pretty resentful about being here in Texas. I got mad that I couldn't just call my mom and drop the kids off with her while I got some rest since Levi has been in bed for 3 days straight. I couldn't call my sister to see if we could just go hang out at the mall with our kids to get out of the house. I don't usually have moments of resentment but I did today. Please don't misunderstand me, I have wonderful friends here and they are priceless. But you know how sometimes you just want your mom? I can just be really honest with my parents and just be me. I can be mad over stupid stuff and complain and they just love me without trying to fix me because they know that my moments of irrationality will pass and that I just need to vent. That's just where I've been this weekend. If you've never been away from your parents be so grateful. And if you don't have kids you might not understand that. Okay so go back to running from God. I feel like at times (like this weekend) I kind of get mad at God for bringing us here away from our families (farther away than we've ever been). I don't think I run from God but I think I detach from Him when I feel that way. I have to remember that we are here for a reason and I do feel "called" to be here. I have to remember the past and the way the doors just opened for us. I have to remember the people that are in our lives and how God has blessed us with great friends. I have to focus on the positive. I'm reading Job and Job had it bad. In one of his responses he basically said that he could be honest with God and be real with God about where he was in life and his feelings about it. I'm glad we can be honest with God and when we're upset or questioning just voice it. He made us, He knows us. I'm not sure if any of this made any sense but it's what's rattling through my brain tonight (granted my brain is not functioning as well as it used to) :)

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Hi Heather - just navigated over to your blog today (10/31) after seeing the URL you posted on facebook.

Thanks for sharing your heart and being so real. I feel privileged to share this little window into your life, and I appreciate your honesty here. I will read some old posts and try to catch up :-) I have a blog too, but I haven't posted for several months. I am long overdue for a new post...

Hugs to you from your old FL friend now in SW GA. :-)

Amanda