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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Quick Thoughts

So the last week and a half have been crazy and emotional and excruciating and endearing and stressful all at the same time.  So, some of our great friends mother died last week very suddenly.  This was a first for me on a lot of different levels.  Fortunately, I have not had a lot of run ins with death.  This was unexpected, it was unexplained, it was unfathomable.  It was a first to walk with my friends through this.  It was a first as a pastor's wife.  As we walked in the hospital the morning that they were taking her off of the respirator, Levi looked at me and said, "Like it or not, today you are the embodiment of Christ in the form of a pastor's wife."  That felt very weird to me.  I'm not sure I can live up to sounded like a big job.  I didn't/don't have words to say.  I cried with them and hugged them.  I'm not sure I've felt pain that intensely for someone else. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic but it's amazing to me that you can hurt so much for another person.  I did.  After that event, I've been very reflective and emotions have come out in a variety of ways.  There were some positives for me from the last week. 
  • I want to be a wife, mom, and friend who loves hard. I want to laugh a lot and have lots of joy.  
  • I want to appreciate the people around me and every second that we have together.
  • 4 years ago, when we had no one in Texas, Levi looked at me and said, "Heather, one day we'll have people who love us and people we can leave our kids with."  A week ago Sunday when we had friends who took care of our kids so we could be with our friends in Houston, and when we received numerous texts from other friends offering to take care of our dog, kids, and thanking us for making the trip, I knew that moment was now.  
  • Living life with people is hard because not only do you get to do the fun stuff like parties, girls nights, brisket cookouts, New Year's Eve, Christmas dinners, it also means you walk with them at funerals and when they are grieving so hard it physically hurts.  
  • My husband is amazing.  I am so proud of him.  He is wise and he is knowledgeable.  He knows the right things to say at the right moment when I turn into a blubbering fool and say all the wrong things.  I was so proud of him during the funeral service, it was his first and he did a great job.  I fall more in love with him each Sunday as he preachers (that's not weird is it?).  I love how God is using him and so thankful he is willing to be used.
  • I want to learn to shut up and just smile and nod with people instead of having to be right.
  • I love our church and am so glad they are part of our family.  I am constantly and consistently amazed at their generosity, their authenticity, and their love.  We are blessed for sure.
  • I miss my parents and sister more than I can express with words.  
Those are my quick thoughts for tonight.  

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