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Thursday, July 31, 2014

Change Sucks

I know such language right?  I don't know any other way to say it.  Change just absolutely stinks and I hate it.  So, it's been almost a month since we left Texas.  Levi resigned from Catalyst, our church.  There was nothing moral or ethical failures, just needed a change of pace.  That feeling for him had been building for a long time.  The weird part for me is that I could have stayed.  I loved our life, our friends, etc. However, I love my husband more.  We moved to Newberry, Florida into a manufactured home (a pride issue for me).  We live on my parents' 30 acres and when we open our front door, we look out over 25 green acres with beautiful horses.  We have chicken coops behind us and hear the rooster crowing A LOT.  My kids can walk down the dirt road about 1/2 mile and walk into my parents' backyard.  I love that my kids adore my parents and vice versa.  That part is fabulous.  I will never get these moments back with my parents and I am savoring these moments.  I've said this all along, I don't know how my heart can be so happy and so sad at the same time.  It's been almost 4 weeks now.  I've been okay until this last week.  Levi has been gone for a 2 weeks now and won't be home for a few more days.  So, we're out of our routine without him but also with all the change.  The kids and I have been pretty lonely.  We've tried a church and the kids love it but I'm not sure we'll stay there. I think we're going to try a couple of other churches.  So, that's another area that is out of whack for us.  It seems like nothing is settled.  I know that once school starts and we get into a routine and the kids and I make friends, things will get better. I know that in my head but that's not helping right now.

I know that this is what our family should have done and I know it will all be okay.  Just hoping our hearts heal. Sorry for the negativity but wanted to share where I am.


Unknown said...

It's not negative.... It's just life. Give it more time. I know it sucks, but time will help some. Your friendships did not end. ... We will just have to find new ways to harass each other. ;)

Am+a said...

Wow! you're in Newberry??? That's a long way from Texas. No wonder it's so hard.

I was JUST in Gainesville over the weekend to gather with people from our graduating class at BHS.... there weren't very many at all. I think I visited with a total of 5 classmates in 2 days... Anyway, I'm so sorry I didn't see your post earlier, or I would have come to see you!!