Today was Pivotal

So everything you hear says that you should enjoy the journey not the destination. Today was a pivotal day for me. It's so weird. We've been here for 6 months now. I knew that church planting would be hard but never imagined it would be this hard. Sometimes I feel like we're constantly fighting uphill battles. It seems like nothing is falling into place and going right. Everything is a fight. I hate it. We thought our house in NC was sold but that fell through. We moved cross country with 2 babies under 3 knowing we have no support or family. This has sucked. In the midst of all that, I've been bitter, resentful, sad, and definitely struggling. Today was pivotal for me. We've been going to Cornerstone of Rockwall since we're not meeting weekly. I love it. I love Doug and Frani. They're so real and just cool people. I laugh, belly laugh, listening to Doug preach. He's so funny and genuine. Today he spoke about the joy, power, mission, belief, and worship we have because we're followers of Christ. The mission part struck me. He said that you are where you are for a reason and God dispatched you. He talked about what dispatch means and that it's so "emergency" sounding. It's vital that those who are dispatched go where they're dispatched. I've been sulking in all the bad about where we are and missing the mission in the meantime. He also talked about the verse that says to tell God what you need and thank Him for what He's done. I think I tend to just tell him all the bad and what I want instead of thanking Him for all of the miracles He's done. I don't want to be a Doubting Thomas who has to stick my hand in the nail wounds. I want to believe without seeing. I want to have that kind of faith that is strong and unwaivering no matter the circumstances of life. I don't want to be like the Israelites who saw miracles yet still had disbelief. God brought us here and we've seen His hand of provision. We were at our launch meeting tonight and I was talking to a "retired" pastor's wife. She's so wise. She said she had a "Come to Jesus" basically with Jesus and just broke. It was at that point that she realized her agenda was done and that she would allow Christ to work through her and use her. I really cherish that conversation, she'll never know how much I needed to hear her words. I've struggled and wrestled with God and I want to be in the center of His will, not fighting and regretting where I am because I know I am where He wants us to be. God, help me to draw near to You instead of away from You. Help me to trust You without flinching. Help me to tap the power, joy, and mission that You've given me.